Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
