apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
