I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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