I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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