if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
