Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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