Do vagina's smell?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
