They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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