Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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