Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
