We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
