I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
