Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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