you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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