I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
