Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
