im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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