I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
