I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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