Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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