And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
