No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
