They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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