I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
