I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize