I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
