I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize