Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
barbara walters just said penis...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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