There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize