Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
