i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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