So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
