So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize