my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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