thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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