i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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