If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
