His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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