Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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