Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
