i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
