"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
