is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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