Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
