Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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