you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
