i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The Olympian is in my bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
