Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
