Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
