Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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