My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
