I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
