too bad you live with your parents still
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
