You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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