i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
