Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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