Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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