woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
