Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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