new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need a beard to bite.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
