yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
