I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
