her facebook's as public as her vagina
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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