You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
